Comedy, by Ken Bradbury, 2001

The Little-Miss-Whatever talent contest turns into a TV nightmare.

The number and gender of characters can be changed to accommodate available participants. Price is for a master script. Make as many copies as is required for your ensemble.


10 - 12 minutes

    Cast Options

  • 4 Females, 1 Male

Product Id: #769

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An excerpt …

(it’s the mother …)

BEULAH: Amateurs. Nothin’ but amateurs. My Betty’s a pro. Where’s the front of the line?

PARKS: Ma’am, you’ll have to wait right over …

BEULAH: Betty don’t wait for nobody. Where do we put the pony?

PARKS: Pony?

BEULAH: Gaylord the Wonder Pony. It’s part of Betty’s act. (to her daughter) Betty, don’t scratch in public. And stop fingerin’ your dress. There’s a thousand bucks worth of buckskin in that thing.

(and another mother)

MRS. FLOSS: (entering dramatically, pulling her daughter Melinda … Mrs. Floss was born with a permanent smile attached. Although she may cut you off at the knees, she does it with a sickeningly sweet smile. Sort of like a grinning python.) We’re here!

PARKS: Who are you?

MRS. FLOSS: Oh, how humorous. Of course, you know my little Melinda! (Melinda grin … in fact, that’s about all Melinda does. She stands there when called upon and makes a small, obnoxious humming sound.) (Melinda smiles and hums.)

PARKS: Oh. Of course. Ladies, we’re less than five minutes from show time. Please. Please line up back stage.

BEULAH: (to Mrs. Floss) What does the little weasel do?

(it soon degenerates)

PARKS: Shut those poodles up!

(Now all confabulation breaks loose as Mrs. Floss begins to hum a strain of faux Italian opera, Melinda begins to mime some sort of Medieval battle, Betty rides around the ring on the imaginary Gaylord as Beulah hums the William Tell Overture. Meanwhile, Parks stands in the middle of all this. Bewildered doesn’t come close to describing his condition.)

(Thrown in somewhere in this mess are Mrs. Floss’s shouts of “Smile, Melinda! Smile for the camera!” … Melinda’s humming … Betty’s shouts of “Hi Ho Gaylord!” … and Beulah’s loud “Ride ‘em honey! Ride ‘em!”)

(After a good bit of this …certainly more than we wanted to see, Mrs. Floss begins to shout)

MRS. FLOSS: Get those dogs out of here! Shoo! Shoo doggie! Oh my word! They’re getting stuck to Melinda’s sequins! Get those purple dogs off my daughter! Shoo doggie! Shoo! Shoo!



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