Comedy, by Robert L. Crowe, 2003

Visit two political candidates with outlandish things to say about each other. Sound familiar?

Price includes 2 scripts.


8 - 10 minutes

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  • 2 Males

Product Id: #257

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An excerpt …

257 – Candidates Debate – (comedy by Robert L. Crowe, 2003)

It’s another election season.

MILLER: It is only fitting that I speak first because that’s where I plan to finish in this election. (pointedly, to Johnson) Since this will be my first elected office, I have no political experience to clutter-up my thinking. I have no particular qualification but apparently (looks at Johnson) it doesn’t take any. So, instead of talking about myself, I will concentrate upon saying nasty but accurate things about my opponent. Let it suffice to say to all assembled here that I am for education. Now, let’s look at my opponent’s record. And, he has a record …

His opponent isn’t much better.

JOHNSON: (rises) My opponent represents that Whig Party. Know why it’s called the Whig Party? Because that’s what the Whigs do most of the time. It is evident that my opponent has no platform but if he (or she) did, it would be constructed of slippery elm. I did sit on the tax sub-committee and one thing I learned from my friends in the IRS was that there are many, many complicated laws when it comes to individual taxes. (turns to Miller)  … but I’m sure you’ll come through your audit just fine.

                        As you know, the President is a member of the Whig Party. I have tried to publicly disagree with everything he does but take credit for the popular programs. I am deeply concerned about the Foreign Policy of the President. He wonders why Panama built a country around our canal! He has managed to alienate all of our former friends abroad. But … there are some lands we still get along with: Opryland, Disneyland, Maryland.

There is some sophisticated exchange.

MILLER: And you … have the courage of your connections. I see our time is about up. Let me ask you one thing. You have consistently attacked me as a person and not my stand on issues. Don’t you think the public gets tired of personal attacks instead of debating the issues?

JOHNSON: Apparently not. They put up with it year after year. I have only resorted to mud-slinging and personal attacks because you started it!

MILLER: Did not!

JOHNSON: Did, too! (to audience) As your representative I take responsibility for my action. There’s a sign on my desk: The buck stops here.

MILLER: I’m sure there are a lot of bucks that stop there … But there’s a lot of buck-passing, too.


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