DO NOT DELETE
Comedy, by Ken Bradbury, 2009
An author writes scenes for two characters and then deletes them if he doesn’t like the scene. They object.The number and gender of characters can be changed to accommodate available participants. Price is for a master script. Make as many copies as is required for your ensemble.
Duration8 - 9 minutes
- 1 Female, 2 Males
Product Id: #821
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An excerpt …
(London, an author, is writing a scene for two characters.)
SIR RICHARD: “My life is over…”
LONDON: He goes on …
SIR RICHARD: My entire fortune lost in at the casino in Monte Carlo! My children have abandoned me! My wife hardly speaks!
LONDON: Lady Peggy Taylor enters. (Lady Peggy enters on the opposite side of the playing area)
SIR RICHARD: My dear!
LONDON: He cries … but she hardly speaks.
PEGGY: I’m hardly speaking to you.
SIR RICHARD: But my beloved wife!
PEGGY: How dare you!
LONDON: She glares at him. (she glares)
PEGGY: How dare you lose our fortune! Destroy our lives!
SIR RICHARD: But my dear …
PEGGY: Be quiet! I’m hardly speaking!
LONDON: (groans) Depressing. (as he presses a button) Delete!
(the author tries another scene)
PEGGY: I do. The sea. The sea beckons me back, Richard.
SIR RICHARD: We’ve never been here.
PEGGY: I was alone.
SIR RICHARD: That gown. It’s quite lovely.
PEGGY: Yes. Goes well with the new arm, don't you think?
SIR RICHARD: Quite.
LONDON: This is so dull.
PEGGY: (looking at London, stammering a bit then) But Richard! Look! That waiter is carrying a live shark and he’s heading right …
SIR RICHARD: Shark? I don't even see the waiter.
PEGGY: (aside to Richard) Get excited, you fool! He’s about to delete us again!
(the characters turn the table and delete the author)
PEGGY: I did it! What a glorious feeling! Richard, I could feel the power of life and death in my fingertips! It was exhilarating! Well … say something.
SIR RICHARD: I can’t.
PEGGY: Why not?
SIR RICHARD: I have no lines. We have no author, Peggy. We’re … orphans … theatrically speaking.
PEGGY: Oh, dear.
SIR RICHARD: Yes. Yes, oh dear indeed. I’m afraid you’ve quite bollixed things up, old girl.
PEGGY: But we are speaking, aren’t we?
SIR RICHARD: But without meaning.
PEGGY: I see what you mean. Quite … meaningless without … you know … meaning.
SIR RICHARD: Quite. Meaningless.
PEGGY: (a pause, then) What do you suppose we should do?
SIR RICHARD: Bring him back?
PEGGY: Hardly seems right. We’d be in the same pickle.
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