FEE FI FO FLUB
comedy, by Ken Bradbury, 2005
A remake of Jack and the Beanstalk.The number and gender of characters can be changed to accommodate available participants. Price is for a master script. Make as many copies as is required for your ensemble.
- 3 Females, 2 Males
- 2 Females, 3 Males
Product Id: #791
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An excerpt …
(remember? Jack traded the cow for a bean))
MOTHER: Dumb. (crying) Oh what are we to do, Jack? You’ve ruined us! We shall starve! We shall starve? crying, she exits by turning her back to the audience)
JACK: (after she’s gone) Man. It’s been a rotten day so far.
NARRATOR: Poor Jack didn’t know what to do.
JACK: Who are you?
NARRATOR: I’m the narrator. Just ignore me.
JACK: What are you doing here?
NARRATOR: I’m helping you tell the story.
JACK: Says who?
NARRATOR: You want to argue? Watch this. Jack suddenly had a terrible cramp in his stomach.
JACK: (bends over in pain) Ouch!
(the plot thickens)
NARRATOR: So Jack went to bed that night, listening to the sounds of his mother’s crying. (Mother wails again as Jack turns to exit) But during the night, the most amazing thing happened …
MOTHER: (turning) Jack got a brain?
JACK: (turning) Mom!
NARRATOR: No! The bean began to grow … and grow … and grow … And when Jack woke up …
JACK: (turning) Wow!
MOTHER: (turning) Holy garbanzo beans! Look at that thing! What is it?
JACK: It’s my bean, Mom!
NARRATOR: … said Jack.
MOTHER: (indicating the Narrator) Who is she, again?
JACK: Don’t mess with her, Mom.
NARRATOR: Jack decided to climb the beanstalk.
JACK: Are you crazy? That thing’s a mile high!
(Jack encounters the giant … Jim)
JIM: Don’t you dare try to steal my goose that lays golden eggs!
JACK: Golden eggs?
JIM: Forget I said that. Legs. She’s got golden legs.
JACK: You said eggs.
JIM: I stutter. I’m in therapy.
NARRATOR: So when the giant went to sleep that night …
JIM: I’m not even tired.
JACK: Don’t mess with her. (Jim begins to doze.)
NARRATOR: Jack went looking for the goose that laid the golden eggs.
JACK: (searching around) Here goosy, goosy, goosy … Here …
GOLDIE: (squawking loudly and turning around) Aaaaaak! What are doing?
JACK: I was just …
GOLDIE: Watch your hands, buster. I was right in the middle of 14-carat gold masterpiece and I feel these cold hands …
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