Humorous, by Ken Bradbury, 2000

A girl trying out for the Christmas Pageant imagines different movie actors in the starring roles of Mary and Joseph.

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6 - 8 minutes

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  • 10 Characters

Product Id: #752

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An excerpt …

(She has a good imagination.)

Laura: (looking around) Well, here I am. Forced to be at the try-outs for the Sunday School Christmas Pageant. Bore – ing!  Every Christmas we read the same ol’ … “Yes, Mrs. Bile I’ll be pleased to read now. ‘And a decree went out from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed.’”  There. That oughta hold ‘em. Every Christmas, the same old story.  Mary gets pregnant, has a baby, the shepherds and wisemen come then there’s a thirty-year gap ‘til some really exciting happens again. Wish they’d let me re-write this stupid pageant. Maybe … maybe …  Harrison Ford and Jodie Foster in … “The Raiders of the Lost Manger!”

(What if different movie stars played the lead roles?)

Laura: Uh-Oh. Listen to this. Joey Fentworth, in his father’s old bathrobe, is reading the part about Mary and Joseph looking for shelter. (smiles sweetly, then to herself) No use, lookin’ for shelter, Joe. We’ve been down this road before. Of course now, if you were Chevy Chase … “Galilean Vacation, Part One!”

Chase: (riding his donkey) Hey kids, here we are in the Holy Land! I mean is this great or what?

Mary: Stop the donkey, Joe!

Chase: (pointing) Look kids! The Mount of Olives! Come on, Mary … just a few more miles!

Mary: (screaming) Joe, I’m gonna pop! Stop this stupid donkey right now.

Girl: You better pull over, Pop. Mom’s got that immaculate look in her eye again.

Chase: In this jerk-water little down?

Mary: (groaning) Don’t mention water.

Chase: Look kids! The Mount of Olives! I wonder if they sell T-shirts?

(She’s in show-biz!)

Laura: (singing) “… there isn’t a mountain too …” Oh!  Mrs. Bile. What was I singing? Would you believe “Silent Night”? You wouldn’t. Sorry. What? You want me to be in the Christmas  pageant? (she listens, then) Yes. Thank you, Ma’am. Donkeys are important, I know. Yes, I’ll see you onstage. (watches her leave) I wonder how I should play my part of the donkey. (ala Clint Eastwood) “You gonna climb all over my back? Go ahead, Make my day.”


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