Humorous, by Ken Bradbury, 2000

Three Little Pigs are making wolf stew ... and the cop arrives

The number and gender of characters can be changed to accommodate available participants. Price is for a master script. Make as many copies as is required for your ensemble.


10 - 12 minutes

    Cast Options

  • 3 Females, 2 Males
  • 1 Female, 4 Males
  • 4 Females, 1 Male
  • 5 Males
  • 2 Females, 3 Males
  • 5 Females

Product Id: #763

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An excerpt …

(The little pigs are cooking the wolf in a pot.)

SWINET: Would you guys listen to me? What if somebody finds out? What if we get caught? What if somebody saw us? What if …

HAMLET: What if you hand me the meat tenderizer over there?

SWINET: Would somebody please listen to me?

SHOATSY: Look, it’s your fault. If you had called the cops when he came do your door, we wouldn’t be in this mess.

SWINET: I couldn’t help it! He said, “Little pig! Little pig! Please let me come in!” I thought he was a census taker!

HAMLET: Are you kidding? With that hair on his chinny chin chin? (reaching down into the pot and bringing up the Wolf’s head, his tongue hanging out, his eyes closed) Does this look like a census taker to you?

(A cop arrives.)

BANE: You one of the pigs?

SHOATSEY: Swine. We’re swine. The pigs live across the tracks. Could I help you?

BANE: My names’ Sgt. Bane. Bureau of Missing Wolves.

HAMLET: (to himself) You’ve got to be kidding.

BANE: We got a report of a missin’ Wolf. Wonder if you could answer a few questions.

SWINET: (faints)

BANE: What’s with him?

SHOATSY: Men in uniform. His father was sent to an Army base for a Christmas dinner.

(The cop stays a long time before leaving.)

HAMLET: Yes! Yes, you do that, Sergeant! You be in touch! (and a Wolf hand comes up out of the pot and grabs Hamlet) (struggling) Be … in … touch …!

BANE: (still gazing out the door) Nice day. Too bad about the Wolf.

HAMLET: (slowly being drug into the pot) Yes … nice … Nice day …!

BANE: Enjoy your soup.

HAMLET: Oh. Yes … I will … I will …

BANE: I guess I’ll be going.

HAMLET: (now with only his feet sticking out of the pot) Go! Go!

BANE: Have a nice day.

HAMLET: You too, Sergeant! You too! Arrgh! (and he’s drug down into the pot)

BANE: (scratching his head) Better get to work. Gotta keep the wolf from the door. (he exits)


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