213 - GREAT GOLDI-LOCK-UP, THE

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[comedy, by Ken Bradbury, 1996] What should Goldilocks do after she broke into the Bears' House? Visit Silverstein, the lawyer, of course! (1m, 1f) [5 - 7 minutes] Two script minimum order.

(You may need a lawyer …)

 

SILVERSTEIN: You did what?!

GOLDILOCKS: I broke a chair.  That’s all!  I just broke a chair!

SILVERSTEIN: You purposely walked into their house and broke one of their chairs?

GOLDILOCKS: It wasn’t on purpose!  I was tired!  I sat down!  The chair broke!  It was an accident.

SILVERSTEIN: Look, Goldie ...

GOLDILOCKS: Goldilocks.  My name is Goldilocks.

SILVERSTEIN: That’s your first or last name?

GOLDILOCKS: Both.

 

(Just the facts, ma’am.)

 

SILVERSTEIN: Look, did it ever occur to you to maybe sit in your own chair and eat your own porridge?  What are you, homeless?

GOLDILOCKS: No, I was lost.

SILVERSTEIN: Listen, I’ve been lost.  I spent two days in Paris just trying to find a restroom.  I got up in the middle of the night last night and couldn’t find the kitchen.  But I’ll tell you one thing, Sister ... just because I get a little confused I don’t go breaking into strange bears’ houses and start raiding the fridge and busting up furniture.  I think you need counseling.

 

(She has a little temper.)

 

GOLDILOCKS: I tried all three.  I only slept in one.

SILVERSTEIN: Don’t tell me ... the other two were too big, right?

GOLDILOCKS: No. One was too hard and the other was too soft.

SILVERSTEIN:  A picky child, aren’t you?  Have you always been this hard to please, or is there something about porridge which drives you crazy?

GOLDILOCKS: I am not crazy!  I am not crazy!  Stop saying that!

SILVERSTEIN: Just how am I going to convince the court of that?

GOLDILOCKS: I don’t know!  You’re the lawyer!  You’re my lawyer, so stop accusing me of all this! (going a bit rabid and showing her true colors now) I don’t have to take this from you!  I don’t take this from anybody! (picking up an imaginary chair)