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[comedy, by Ken Bradbury, 1996] The Hansel and Gretel story gets some new looks as the actors do various interpretations: Shakespeare, soap opera, Dragnet and others. (1m, 1f) [8-10 minutes] Two script minimum order.

(Not the typical Hansel and Gretel story.)

 

GRETEL: But look, Hansel!  I have brought this handful of bread crumbs which I have been dropping,

thus assuring us that we can find our way back.

HANSEL:       You are truly a wonderful sister.

GRETEL: Thanks.

HANSEL: Unfortunately, you’re not a very smart one.  Look.  The birds have eaten all of your bread.

GRETEL: Oh, crumb!

HANSEL: But look!  There’s a house made of candy!  Let’s eat that!

GRETEL: Before dinner?

HANSEL: We’re the victims of neglect; we can do as we wish.

 

(Let’s change it to a “Dragnet” detective story.)

 

HANSEL: My name is Hansel.  I’m a cop. (Xing to Gretel, deadpan) Name?

GRETEL: Gretel.

HANSEL: Who’s the dead broad?

GRETEL: A witch.

HANSEL: Witch?

GRETEL: Witch.

HANSEL: Great.  How’d she die?

GRETEL: I killed her.

HANSEL: With what?

GRETEL: An oven.

HANSEL: You hit her with an oven?

GRETEL: I shoved her in.  I cooked her.

HANSEL: Great.  Another 9-34.  That’s the third “witch cooking” I’ve had this week.

 

(The British are coming.)

 

HANSEL: I mean, English drawing-room comedy would be much more suitable. (gets behind bars, and affecting an English accent) Gretel, dear?

GRETEL: Yes, Hansel?

HANSEL: I do hate to be a bother, but could I trouble you to give dear old Witchy-Poo the old shove-o?

GRETEL: I beg your pardon?

HANSEL: Oh, I know it’s rather dreary and all, considering the heat ... but perhaps if you could just nudge her a bit toward the old hot box.  Eh?

GRETEL: Oh, you’re always the clever one, aren’t you, Hansel?  Here ... how about a spot of tea before we do the dirty deed?

HANSEL: Dashing! (as something pulls him toward the oven) I say, Gretel, the old gal seems to be moving me toward the rotisserie.  Bit of an inconvenience, don’t you think?

GRETEL: Dash it all, Hansel.  You’ve spilled your tea!