274 - COMPLETELY SAUCED

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[comedy, by Ken Bradbury, 2005] Johnny Appleseed has a fixation upon apples and realizes that he needs professional help. (2m or 1m, 1f) [8 minutes] Two script minimum order.

(Johnny goes to a shrink)

 

DR. PSYCHE:  Come in. You must be my new patient.

JOHNNY:  You must be my new doctor.

DR. PSYCHE: Dr. Psyche. Miss Feinstein said I had a new patient. (shakes his hand) And you are ...?

JOHNNY:   Johnny. You can call me Johnny. Mom did.

DR. PSYCHE:   It’s customary that my patients lie down on my couch … of course, it’s not completely necessary, but …

JOHNNY: I thought that was just in the movies. Cool. Yeh, I’ll lie down. I’ve walked a long way. (he reclines on Psyche’s couch…two chairs)

DR. PSYCHE: Now, Mr …

JOHNNY:   Johnny.

DR. PSYCHE: But your last name …

JOHNNY: Appleseed. Johnny Appleseed.

DR. PSYCHE: Surely that’s not your real name.

 

(the extend of the problem?)

 

DR. PSYCHE:   Very well … let’s see. What’s your favorite town?

JOHNNY:   Appleton, Wisconsin.

DR. PSYCHE: Your favorite … uh … horse?

JOHNNY:   Appaloosa.

DR. PSYCHE: Mountain?

JOHNNY:   Appalachians.

DR. PSYCHE:  Your favorite relative.

JOHNNY:   Granny Smith.

DR. PSYCHE:   Huh?

JOHNNY:   That’s a type of apple. See what I mean?

 

(the doc loses it)

 

JOHNNY: Am I a bad apple, Doctor?

DR. PSYCHE: Of course not … I just can’t seem to get to the seed of your problem.

JOHNNY: Seed? Did you say seed?

DR. PSYCHE: No! No! I’ve got to get to the core of your …

JOHNNY: Core?!

DR. PSYCHE: Stop that! I’m not saying that! I’ve got to stem this before …

JOHNNY: Stem? Apple stem?

DR. PSYCHE: Stop it! Stop it! Get out of my office! Make another appointment! You are grinding my mind to a pulp!